Fever Dreams

Feat Psychonauts and Alley Cats

It's my favorite time of the year!

October feels like permission. The water under the bridge has mostly passed. There's a sense of 'fuck it' in the air, as if the collective consciousness has decided to loosen its belt and kick back. My body is already somewhat in vacation mode, sipping hot water (not taking questions) somewhere in the recesses of my mind.

Here's two cool thoughts I've had recently:

I am not the body, I have a body: I am once again attempting physical fitness. It is only the 782nd time in this lifetime. I am not a gym rat, and in my thirties, I've developed enough self-esteem to not even find that type of persona as aspirational as I once used to.

Traditional fitness narratives often echo colonial thinking: conquer your body, push through pain, dominate your limits. It's all very 19th-century-empire-building when you think about it.

This attempt feels decidedly different, and there's subtext - my friend S who has a Reddit habit recently introduced me to the mostly fascinating r/DimensionJumping subreddit. There are many compelling things the (obviously very normal) people of the subreddit talk about, and at the centre of it is a rejection of a Newtonian worldview. These digital psychonauts are giving Newton the middle finger, arguing that reality isn't as solid as we think. Mind and matter? More like mind mush, apparently.

Now, if we roll with this quantum perspective - and many do - the lines between where I end you begin starts to smudge. It's all just etheric soup.

What the quantum field might look like, but there’s really no way to know. From here.

This fluid, interconnected view of reality has turned my conception of the mind-body-matter relationship on its head. From an exercise perspective, the body becomes a type of cosmic play-doh - a portal for exploration rather than a problem to be solved. This shift from "I am my body" to "I have a body" is cool. It creates space for curiosity, acceptance, and even joy in movement. Exercise is no longer a grueling, willpower-led torture hour. It is transformed into an immersive experience.

Fear Cat and Love Cat: As chief of staff to the Soami Nagar neighbourhood cat cartel, I've observed the dummies quite closely these past years. Mostly, cats seem to have stronger boundaries and more personal charisma than the yappy and silly dogs of our hood. Still, there are variances in how they present.

Our calico female embodies a type of 'fear cat' archetype. She navigates the world with an inherent wariness, her every move calculated and deliberate. When guests arrive, she vanishes like smoke, retreating to the home above us. Two years of daily visits, and she still acts like we're running some kind of feline Bergen Belsen. She approaches her food bowl as if solving a complex geometric puzzle, meticulously gauging the distance between herself and any nearby humans. On rare occasions, she might decide to accept a brief caress, but it's clear that trust is a precious commodity in her world.

Her half-brother (and also one-time boyfriend) was a stark contrast. The personification of "Love Cat", this cat had Shah Rukh Khan energy. He was gregarious and warm. He'd meow endlessly the whole time he was here, and loved being pet. The sight of any human had his tail up and eyes light up. (Too bad that he hasn't been around the hood for over a year, but that’s a story for another day.)

These cats are us. We're likely just hairless, overgrown versions of Fear Cat and Love Cat. Fear Cat is calculating the exact trajectory needed to get from our bed to the fridge without encountering another living soul. And Love Cat is one drink away from narrating our entire life histories to Uber Drivers.

There must be a way to be neither a doormat nor an asshole. Fear makes cowards of us, and shrinks the circumference and energy of our lives. It turns our lives into tight little circles of familiar miseries. A lack of boundaries on the other hand, can disregard our deepest needs.

I suppose I'll find a way to keep my wits about me, while taking the odd chance.

Have a great rest of your week!