Party of One

I love alone time

Alone time is non-negotiable to my happiness. It is a pleasure I've maybe always savoured, but only recently learned to cultivate with intention.

This is not a diss track on the people in my life. Far from it. My people are funny, supportive, intelligent, and reasonably consistently interesting.

But there's a certain internal incandescence I experience, that is only accessible to me when I'm alone.

My cells exhale, my nerves uncoil, and my gaze settles. I exist more gently in my body. And I'm alive to the feeling of being alive.

Same, Virginia.

Here's my pitch for why spending time alone is the cornerstone of a well-lived life.

The end of social cosplay

We all play roles - in our jobs and homes and friendships. It's possibly how society functions without imploding. But they're ultimately hollow if not grounded in something deeper.

When the spotlight dims and the audience leaves, we encounter what my therapist has called the Capital S self. It is in this space that we can witness the many voices of our own inner world. We become the audience to our internal drama, watching as these parts of ourselves interact, clash, and ultimately seek harmony.

This is where true self-knowledge begins.

We can then finally learn to direct our own lives rather than exist in a state of autopilot.

My life my rules

The pursuit of personal preference is criminally underrated.

When I'm doing a solo thing, I like to practice self-attunement and do my bidding in a very precise way.

On work trips, my joy peaks when I check back into the hotel - I adjust the music, temperature and lighting of the room exactly to my liking. I draw a bath and make tea and watch crap Netflix.

And none of this is up for litigation. This is possibly what honouring ourselves looks like within the confines of late-stage capitalism.

A map of Camino De Santiago. My dream solo adventure.

The beginning of creativity 

Ever tried to have an original thought at a networking event? Me neither.

I find that inspiration requires a vacuum, and that solitude provides it that space. Alone time is the petri dish for creativity. 

Lots of creative types regularly expressed the need for alone time, and they’re most certainly on to something.

Improving the quality of connection

Something I'll often tell my mother is that my request for alone time is not a rejection of companionship.

I am not auditioning for a part in an Anton Chekhov story, I’m simply recharging my batteries. This is solitary refinement.

Personally, I find that spending time well alone has made me better at being with other people. There’s an anticipation of connection at the end of solitude, that makes the connection alchemise better.

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There’s a few things I do that have made alone time most fun:

1. Foraging. I’ll walk to Haus Khas Forest and forage for flowers and leaves and mushrooms. I’ll find IDs for them on iNaturalist. On days that my imagination is doing well, I like to think of myself as a type of time traveller humanity rep, walking through the woods like some type of ascetic. You can wear a weighted vest and turn this into a ruck.

2. Writing Dates. You pick any cafe or park or a cute spot in your house and go there with your choice of writing equipment. This playlist on your earphones. I like to arm myself with prompts that I store as they strike me on my notes app. And I allow myself to write garbage.

3. Breathwork. Very lovely and reviving. You can do it at a workshop. But I also love these videos by Breath with Sandy.

4. A face mask + hot beverage + actually nice movie to end the day.

Do 1 to 3 items on the same day and it’s like a rustic DIY retreat!

How do you like to spend time alone? I’d love to hear.